The value of truly understanding this topic is not well understood by people in general, especially as it concerns predatory behavior and violence.
Acting nice and acting charming is a negotiation for something. Nobody IS nice, they ACT nice BC they WANT something. It can simply be an exchange or a pass so you don’t have problems and everything on a spectrum up to predation. Ditto with Charming.
Not being nice is not the same as being mean. A person can be kind and act polite without being nice.
When setting a boundary you are not required to act nice and when enforcing a boundary you are not required to act nice or act polite. This also doesn’t suggest that you are being mean or impolite. That is further along in the spectrum.
Strangers, Acquaintances, and Friends are along a similar spectrum. Understand what each means and understand that TRUST is required for friendship and most often proximity BUT proximity itself does NOT mean friendship.
(Admittedly this is not my clearest presentation, however, it’s the only presentation I have on video so you’ll have to bear with me.)